


Down to the Sea Bed

by satterthwaite



Category: BioShock, BioShock Infinite
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Pre-Fall Rapture, Rapture's Best and Brightest, Science Girlfriends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:47:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satterthwaite/pseuds/satterthwaite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosalind Lutece is a brilliant physicist who was invited to Rapture by Andrew Ryan, who believed her works could improve the city's structure underwater. There she meets Sofia Lamb, a psychiatrist devoted to the people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This Rosalind Lutece is NOT a quantum physicist and therefore has never discovered the Lutece Field nor the way to open tear. There is no Robert Lutece nor the possibility of one.

She wasn’t quite accustomed to Rapture yet. The constant blue-greenish light, and the chillness coming from the sea surrounding them. This city was nothing like the surface, in every way. Here people seemed to live in a constant huis-clos, and be perfectly happy with the idea that they didn’t get to see any other places besides their underwater buildings. Yet when seen from a strictly scientific point of view, it was an interesting microcosm to observe and to experiment.

But as a physicist, it was not the people she was interested in, but the structures they lived in – how the whole city managed the water pressure, the balance between the buildings, and all those things normal citizens didn’t care about.

Rosalind Lutece didn’t care much for people, and would rather spend her days in her office in Athena’s Glory. In there at least she wouldn’t notice the lack of sunlight and the fact that she actually missed the surface, the sunshine and the feeling of wind upon her face.  
There was something though, that she didn’t miss – here in Rapture, she wasn’t regarded as inferior because of her sex. She had been invited because she had proved herself to be one of the brightest scientists of her age, and Andrew Ryan believed she could improve the city’s structure with her works. Rosalind only  saw a great opportunity to extend her knowledge on a completely new playground. She hadn’t debated much – having no family to left behind, nothing was holding her back.

 In Rapture, it was hard to tell whether it was night or day. She went to bed when she was tired and woke up when she wasn’t anymore. As she never took part in social activities, it didn’t bother her and she wouldn’t even notice it. She was asleep when the door bell rang, and she assumed she had been lost in time once again. Fortunately Rosalind had never been the heavy sleeper, and she got up quickly to answer.  
“A letter from Mr Ryan” the young boy said while waving a paper. She took it, thanking him in a yawn, and closed the door again.  
“Andrew Ryan has the pleasure to invite you to the Best and Brightest’s Ball in Fort Frolic, on Friday January 16th, 1954.” Rosalind frowned and sighed. She was not accustomed to those social gatherings, and found herself rather awkward when invited. She never really knew what to wear, and how to do her hair, and what was proper or not. Yet if there was one thing she had learned in the short laps of time she had spent in Rapture, was that one could not decline Ryan’s invitation, and she resigned. The 16th was in three days – it gave her plenty of time to get ready.

 Rosalind hadn’t expected so many people – all the upper class citizens of Rapture were gathered here, it seemed to her. She stood in the corner, awkward, clinging to her glass of champagne. She had managed to dig through her wardrobe to find a decent green, polka dot dress she had bought which seems a thousand year ago, back when she was studying at Cambridge. Andrew Ryan had only given her a quick handshake, before returning to his other guests, who no doubt were more important than her. She sighed and looked down at her glass, who appeared to be already half empty. She drank the rest in one go – better be tipsy at a party when you knew no one and there was nobody to pay you attention. Her eyes looked for the waiter, but they couldn’t find him, and she retreated back to the corner.

She was considering going home when she felt someone approaching.  Rosalind raised her head and she found herself facing a giantess of a woman. The blond stood 6 feet tall of sharp features and Northern warmth. She bore a smile on her face, but there was something cold about it, yet it didn’t really bother Rosalind. There was something incredibly pleasant about this woman, though her height made her feel even tinier. The redhead had never been very tall, but she had never had to pale of her 5’2”.

“You are new in Rapture, aren’t you ?” the woman spoke, and Rosalind found her voice to be incredibly calm and soothing, yet very impressive. She gulped down and managed a smile herself.  
“Yes, indeed. I am Rosalind Lutece.”  
“And I am Sofia Lamb. Welcome here.” She extended a hand towards Rosalind and she timidly took it, briefly shaking it.  
“I haven’t seen you talking much…” Sofia noted as she sipped at her own champagne.  
“I don’t know many people and I have never been the social kind…” Rosalind shrugged and smiled. The woman too, grinned. “What are you doing here ?” she asked.  
“I am a physicist. Mr Ryan invited me in Rapture hoping that my works could improve the structure of the whole city.”  
“Ah, Ryan.” the Lamb woman said before emptying her drink. Rosalind did not dare ask what resentment she might have towards the founder of the city, instead finally catching the waiter’s eyes who came forward to pour them another drink.  
“And yourself, if I may ask ? What are you doing here ?”  
“I am a psychiatrist. I was invited here, too, to counsel the populace who might feel lonely here, missing the surface.”  
 _No doubt lots of them need your help_ , Rosa thought without daring to speak.

 The two women spent the rest of the evening together, talking about the surface and how they both came from England – except of course, Rosalind had been to Cambridge and Sofia to Oxford and therefore would never be able to come to an agreement when it came to rowing competition. When it was finally time to part, they were both sure they would meet again soon. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosalind gets lost and finds herself in Dyonisus Park

Rapture was a true labyrinth for those who were not accustomed to it, and it was not rare that Rosalind would completely lose herself in the glasses tunnels and bathyspheres. Today was one of those day where she had wandered too far from her office and couldn’t find her way back. At one point she must have taken a wrong turn for now she was finding herself standing in front of the entrance to Dionysus Park – a place which she had vaguely heard of, but never been to.

Rosalind sighed and cursed her foolishness – if only she had had some sense of orientation about her… “Well, now that I am here, let’s find someone who will help me…” she said aloud before entering the park.  
She found that it was more of an art gallery than anything else, and the works exposed here were rather daring. Rosalind stopped to look at them, trying to decipher them. After a while she was forced to realize her mind was more apt to analyse equations on a blackboard than a few paintbrushes on a canvas.

She was looking a the last one when she felt someone coming up behind her, and turned to face Sofia Lamb, smiling down at her.  
“I hadn’t thought I would find you here, Madame Lutece” the soothing voice spoke, and Rosalind smiled as well.  
“Actually, I got lost… I still have troubles finding my way through Rapture, to be frank.” That made the woman grin wider.  
“Well, it doesn’t matter – I can help you now. Welcome to Dionysus Park, my private retreat for artists.”  
Rosalind’s eyes widened. “Yours ?” she had guessed the woman must have been of some importance in Rapture, but she had never thought a whole level would belong to her. “That’s impressive…” she admitted. “I guess you must be very important in Rapture then, if Mr Ryan granted you so much.” Sofia Lamb let out a little laugh. “Let’s just say Ryan wanted me to keep angry people at bay, and I might be doing all the contrary…”

She had a smile on her face, almost mischievous though perfectly serious, which made Rosalind like the woman at once. As a woman she had always thought you had to stand up and step out of the ranks if you wanted to be seen and taken seriously amongst so many men. You had to be different, to have other ideas not to be swallowed by the gigantic mass of intellectuals. More oft than not, it ended up in people calling you a “weird bitch” or “cold woman”, and the hardest past was not to tell it get to you. Rosalind had built a shell around her when she had graduated from Cambridge and got into the research department – she was sure this woman had done the same. But there was something else – the coldness she constantly bore on her face and attitude hid a secret that ran much deeper than some sexist jokes thrown over a cafeteria table. Rosalind thought it would be better to wait for her to speak about it, rather than ask.

“How do you find my art collection ?” Sofia asked with a smile.  
“Very interesting, though I must admit I’m not versed into art… I guess my mind is too rational for such things…” Rosalind shrugged with a sorry smile. “But for a psychiatrist, it must be quite an open window to the mind…”  
“Yes, it is” nodded Sofia “though I haven’t set up this gallery to read into people’s mind. Rather, to offer them the opportunity to express themselves without fearing the censorship of Ryan.”  
Rosalind frowned and looked at the woman. “But I thought one of the principles of Ryan’s philosophy was precisely to suppress censorship…”  
Sofia let out a little, cold laugh. “Ah, Ryan’s philosophy… He wants to create an utopia in which no one would fear anything, yet he himself fears he might lose his powers if he lets people voice their disagreement with him. He claims artists should no longer feel the censors, but he can’t accept criticism. Here they don’t have to fear Ryan’s power – they’re free of exploring their own talents, their own art.”  
Rosalind bit her lips. “But – aren’t you afraid yourself?” she asked, and Sofia gave her a reassuring look. “Ryan has nothing against me, and he doesn’t want to appear as the tyrant he pretends he had fled.”  Despite herself, the redhead found herself worrying about a woman she barely knew. Ryan seemed like a powerful man, and it seemed to her it was not the best of thing to upset him.  
“But let’s not talk about Ryan” Sofia suddenly said, before taking Rosalind’s arm with her. “Let me guide you to my own gardens. People have said they were as beautiful as those of Arcadia, though less grand, of course.”  
She let herself be led by the blond, once again noticing how she was towering over her, like a Nordic totem made of ice, but also tenderness, and an empathic sense that Rosalind had never seen in anyone else. She couldn’t help but notice the bandaged wrist, and though the question was burning her lips she refrained from asking. Like the secret she was holding, it would come in time, she assumed.

Lamb’s Garden could almost make her feel like she was back to the surface again, though there was no sunray to caress her skin and warm her – only the fake warmth of spotlights. Yet the smile on Sofia’s face was enough to make anyone forget that this was only a facsimile of what the Earth was truly like – there was a pride in her eyes, and happiness at the work she had achieved. “Julie Langford is the best botanist here, in Rapture, as she was back on the surface.” Lamb explained to Rosa. “This is her work, as well as Arcadia. She spends most of her time there, if you ever want to meet her. She is part of the Best and Brightest as well, but she barely comes out of her lab, especially for such mundane events. I guess I would do the same if I had a proper laboratory…” Sofia sighed and smiled. “I don’t really all those Ryan’s receptions – especially when I know the conditions of people living in Pauper’s Drop and other places…” A frown appeared on her brown, but she wiped it away as soon as that. “I suppose you do have your own lab, Rosalind – may I call you Rosalind ?”  
“Of course, Sofia” Rosa smiled “Yes, I do. My work requires quite a space to experiment, but I am allowed free passage everywhere in Rapture to observe its structure – though I must admit I’d rather spend my days in my office, in Olympus Heights.”  
“So that’s where you’re living – of course Ryan has settled you in the luxury resorts of Rapture…”  
“It is not as beautiful as here, of course” Rosalind added with a smile towards the woman, and was pleased to see her smiling back at her.

“It’s getting late…” Sofia noted as she checked her watch. “and Olympus Heights is quite a long walk from here. Rapture isn’t exactly safe at night – of course Ryan would have you believe otherwise… You could sleep at my place for tonight. Besides, I think my daughter Eleanor would be pleased to see a new face.”  
Rosalind was taken aback by the woman’s proposition, but she had a very convincing tone, with all that smoothness and gentle coldness.  “Hmm – well yes, why not… I haven’t brought my pajamas though, and I am pretty positive I will be floating in yours”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending the night at Sofia's place and meeting Eleanor

Eleanor was a little girl who didn’t look much like her mother – while Sofia was as blond as anyone could have been, the little girl bore a bunch of thick, long brown hair she tied in a tail and a pretty blue ribbon to match her dress.  
“I teach her everything myself” Sofia told Rosalind, with a spark of pride in her eyes “as my father taught me everything I know. She will become a psychiatrist, too – an altruist, like I am. That’s why I have to preserve her from the other children.”  
Rosa frowned – in her mind it wasn’t by keeping someone away that you would be able to teach that same person how to respect others and get along with them, to feel the same things they did. But she didn’t say anything and smiled instead. “Doesn’t she get a bit lonely though ?” she still asked, with a concerned look for the little girl who was playing with her dolls in the corner of the room.  
"Unfortunately she does” Sofia sighed and closed her eyes “she keeps asking if she can see the other children to play with them…” She stopped, as if she didn’t dare to go on and tell what the truth really was – Rosa didn’t push her forward. “That’s why I am happy you came” the psychiatrist went on, a smile on her lips again. “I barely receive people in my home. I am not as great a host as Andrew Ryan…” she confessed with a little grin. “Anyways that’s how I live…”  
The redhead smiled “I cannot blame you – I am the same. I have always loathed social obligations. I feel like I don’t belong there. I am a scientist, not a party animal. My office and worktable are the places I have the most fun at.” Lamb nodded in agreement, before turning towards her daughter. “Eleanor, this is Madame Lutece. She is a physicist – she is working to keep Rapture as beautiful and safe as possible.”  
The eyes of the little girl seemed to sparkle with some kind of excitement. “Do you ?” she asked with a kind of disbelief in her voice. “Eleanor seems very interested in mechanical devices these times…” Sofia explained. She had the same smile on her face, but yet you could feel it was not what she had planned for the little girl. Rosa didn’t take note of it and kneeled to reach Eleanor. “So, what can these pretty hands of yours do ?” she said with a sweet voice that was so unlike hers. She had always had a stern tone – a woman couldn’t afford to appear soft when surrounded by men. Suppressing all kind of gentle feelings (at least in appearance), was the only way to get respected amongst men, it seemed. You had to appear as tough as them in order not to get eaten in the lion’s den that was the scientific world of 1954.  
“Well, the other day, I managed to get into a Security Bolt inside the house…” she whispered, giggling, into Rosa’s ear, and the woman smiled.  
“What did she say ?” asked Sofia “I hope she hasn’t yet another of those mischievous things only she has the secret of…”  
“It is quite nothing” Rosa assured, before winking back at Eleanor, silently vowing to keep her secret as the girl smiled and went back to her dolls.  
“She’ll soon be in bed” Lamb said and sighed. “Why don’t we go over to the other living room to have a drink ?”

Rosalind followed as the blond led her towards another room. This one was quieter and tidier, with a very art-décor interior, which the physicist liked very much. She sat down on the leather couch, standing very still has Sofia got a bottle of brandy out of a closet. “Souvenirs from England” she said with a smile, before pouring the amber liquid over ice in two glasses set on the coffee table.  
“So – you should tell me more about yourself. We’ve been discussing our respective work a lot at Ryan’s party, yet I feel like I don’t really know you…” Sofia said as she settled down next to Rosalind, handing her a glass.  
“There isn’t much to know, actually – my life has not been that eventful…” she replied as she sipped at her drink and it sweetly burned down her throat, tearing a little face from her. “I’m sure there is” insisted Sofia. “First, tell me why you chose physics.”  
“Well –“ Rosalind began “it might sound crazy but when I was a girl, I dreamed of a room in which there was a mirror. And in this mirror I saw a girl, who was and was not myself, who was staring at another girl, who was and was not myself. It was a recurrent dream. My mother used to tell me it was a bad nightmare – but I knew this was the beginning of my career.  
“Unfortunately it turned out my professors weren’t so enthusiastic about multiple universes as I was, and I had to drop my thesis and researches, and turned towards the fluids mechanic and the oceanic pressure instead. One could say I am here only out of spite…” she sighed and smiled.  
“What of your parents ? Did they support you ?”  
“My parents died when I was still rather young – my father when I was three. He had always had a bad heart, the poor man, but my mother had never thought he would have a stroke at 42… As for her, she contracted tuberculosis while in India. She had always been versed into humanitarians actions, and in the end it killed her. I was 16, and my aunt raised me. She had been a suffragette back in the days, and she was the one who pushed me forward, who told me always to follow my dreams and do what I wanted, never mind what the others would say. She was a rare woman – strong and independent during a time while it was near impossible to achieve such things for women…” Rosalind sighed, a smile on her face as she sipped at her drink. “She died a few weeks before Ryan’s invitation to Rapture came in. Had she been alive, I would have never left her.”  
She turned towards Sofia. “Now it’s your turn !”

The blond smiled. “My father raised me from a very early age, because my mother died of a cancer. She was a researcher in nuclear medicine, and they didn’t really know the effects, back then… Anyways, if there is one thing my father learned, is that whatever you do in life, you must do it for the greater good. He was a physician, and I saw no better ways to help people, so I studied medicine as well, at Oxford, and I chose psychiatry because I wanted to bring light in the life of people who thought there was none left. During my studies I got the opportunity to travel to Japan, and I finally stayed there after I got my doctorate.” Her eyes lowered and she stopped for a bit, looking down at her glass.  
“I was living in Hiroshima, back then.” She finally said after the silence, and Rosa didn’t need to ask her more about it – she already knew what it meant. “I welcomed Ryan’s invitation, when Rapture was finally raised from the sea bed. He said he wanted me to appease the populace, and once again I could do what I was good at – helping people.  
At first, I was pleased with the city – but soon I discovered the dark sides of Ryan’s politics. The so-called utopia was only a decoy : there were censors, and people left behind because they weren’t rich enough. I suppose you’ve never been to Pauper’s Drop ? Of course not – it isn’t even a proper district on Rapture maps. People are forgotten there, because they are not scientists, physicians or famous singers. They miss the surface, but Ryan won’t allow anyone to leave, or enter – except those who are invited in, like you were.  
“This won’t last forever – the people won’t be patient forever. I can feel it.”

While she had been talking, Rosalind had drunk her whole glass and felt the heaviness was getting to her head. “I think – I should see it by myself, to have a real opinion…” she said quietly with a little giggle.  
Sofia raised an eyebrow, looking down to her and sighed. “I think you got tipsy, Rosalind. Let’s put you in bed.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sofia takes Rosalind to Pauper's Drop to show the true face of Ryan's dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious thing coming up ! 
> 
> The song is ["It all Belongs to Me"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRriKpWoBkM) by Ruth Elling

Rosalind woke up in a bed that wasn’t hers, and with a slightly pounding headache. She wasn’t wearing her clothes either: someone had put her in a nightshirt which fell to her knees. Next to her, a slim and tall figure moved.

She was slightly taken aback and startled at the sight, then remembered where she was – Sofia Lamb’s chamber, who still laid asleep quite deeply. Rosalind gently shook her shoulder. “Sofia…” she whispered, trying to wake her up, and when her movements became more insistent, all she got were a loud groan, and the woman rolled to the other side.  
The redhead sighed and looked around. The bedroom was decorated as elegantly as the living room, in the same art deco style. She pushed back the covers and got up, her hair falling on her shoulders.  
The shelves were covered with medicine books, along with some philosophical treatise about altruism. There were also photographs of her : from when she was at Oxford, when she graduated, in Japan with her friends. Rosa was surprised to note that she had worn her hair quite long when she had been young – while they were cut rather short now. She turned to the woman still asleep, wondering what she had been through in Hiroshima, yet knowing she’d never be able to begin to imagine what it must have been like. All of a sudden, she felt her heart clenching in her chest, and she was surprised. Rosalind was not the sensitive type – yet she felt something for this woman, something she could not yet quite describe and which made her feel sadness towards her, but at the same, she was happy the two had met.

On another shelf they were records of all type – Rapture Records, of course, but also some others coming from the surface. An old-looking caught her eyes, and she drew it out. It was an old record from 1927, by a singer called Ruth Etting and which was called “It All Belongs to Me”. Rosa spotted the phonograph in the corner of the room, and put it on. The good ol’ cracklings greeted as it began to slowly turn, and Rosalind put the volume to the lowest. The voice was sweet and a bit nasal, but it was agreeable.  
“You woke me up” came a grumbling voice from behind her, and Rosa jumped up in surprise. Sofia stood there, her hair a mess and her eyes swollen with sleep as she wrapped herself in a bathrobe. “Put that off, please.”  
She did as she was told as quickly as possible. “I’m sorry ! I woke and you didn’t look like you wanted to do the same and I didn’t want to bother you…” she blurted out.  
“It’s alright, it’s nothing. I need a lot of sleep, that’s all. It’s all forgotten. Come, let’s get breakfast” The tall woman exited the room and Rosa followed her quickly. The kitchen appeared simpler than the rest of the apartment. It had been plainly painted a light green and blue, and the furniture was made of wood. “I hope you like eggs” Sofia said as she took a frying pan out of one of the cupboards.  
“Yes, it’s alright” Rosalind said as the psychiatrist broke two without spoiling the yolk.  
She found out that the blond wasn’t exactly the talking type in the morning, and that she’d rather sit alone at a table to eat in silence and drink a cup of coffee, while Rosa was always full of energy whenever the moment of the day. 

“Do you take tea or coffee ?” Sofia asked as she set down their plates, and as a true English woman, Rosa was feeding herself on green tea. The psychiatrist prepared a tea pot for her guest as she made coffee for herself.  
They ate almost in silence, the blond only inquiring if the eggs were fine and if Rosalind felt better, since she had seemed quite tipsy last night.  
“Would you want to come with me today, and see my works?” Sofia asked as they were clearing their breakfast table.  
“Well, why not” Rosalind replied “this way, I’ll be able to see the true Rapture, I suppose.”  
They got dressed and she followed Sofia as they took to Bathysphere to get to Pauper’s Drop.

As the psychiatrist explained during the brief journey, this district wasn’t there where Rapture was originally constructed – the workers built it for themselves. It was the poorest district of the city and as she would be able to see by herself, completely abandoned by Ryan and his followers. The place was poor, and dirty. Everywhere they were workers without a job who drank all day long at Fishbowl dinner, and kids playing in the dirt in the streets. Everyone greeted Sofia like a mother, with shouts of “Dr Lamb!” and “Ma’am !”, and the smile they put on her face was a priceless one, Rosalind could tell.  
“Come, we’re going to see Grace Holloway” Lamb told her, before leading her through the crowd that had gathered around them.

Grace was a famous jazz singer, here in Pauper’s Drop, Sofia told her. But she sang against Ryan and for that, she had been blacklisted. “She is one of my more faithful followers. She is such a sweet heart, you will see.”  
Rosalind encountered a Black, middle-aged woman who still looked beautiful, despite the harshness of the life she lived that marked her face. She seemed happy to meet Rosa, though she had to admit she had never head about her before. “Physic’s not really my cup o’ tea, ma’am !” she said with a smile. Grace had come in Rapture, because she thought everything was better than her old Hooverville of St. Louis in Missouri – but she had been wrong. The dream Ryan had been offering didn’t exist for her, and she had ended up in the Drop, where you could find all the scum of Rapture.

“Dr Lamb – Sofia, she is the only one who cares about us, here. Ryan pisses on us and Fontaine uses like we’re tools and not human beings. This ain’t a life, ma’am. But Sofia – she has told us we can be part of a greater family, a family that will accept us as we are. I can’t have no children, ma’am, and that’s sad.  But Dr Lamb told me this would be my family, and I believe her. Before her, none of them “Best and Brightest” raised a finger for us.” There were sparks in her eyes, sparks of hope that told much more than any words could have done.  
Rosalind saw the true work of Sofia, then – to give hope to people who had none anymore, who had been stripped bare down to their own dignity.

Today was not the day for the free counselling session, and thus Sofia left rather quickly after having greeted a certain number of people. In the Bathysphere, Rosa could see how tiring it all was for her. “It takes a lot of energy, you know – to watch misery in the face and combat it, even though you know the chances are slim” she confessed “yet you keep on fighting, because what are our lives for, if not for the constant fight to be better, the everyday strive to become someone else? You do it in a more concrete matter, physics – while I set my battlefield in the mind. But in the end, we do the same, don’t we ?”  
Rosalind smiled. “Except when people look at me, they don’t have that light in their eyes, all this love. I’ll always be working in the shadows – that is the path I have chosen. I admire you, because yours isn’t easy – you have condemned yourself to be always in the light, and therefore always the first to blame, too. You are a very interesting woman, Sofia Lamb. I am glad I have met you and you have taken me out of my posh office.”  
“I am glad, too…” Sofia whispered, the corners of her mouth curling up. “You are as equally interesting, Rosalind Lutece.”

She leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. Rosa’s eyes went wide, her body tensing up, but as their mouths didn’t part, she closed her eyelids, and leaned into the touch. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rosalind reciprocates Sofia's feelings

After the Bathysphere kiss, Rosalind didn’t see Sofia for a week. She stayed in her office, in a constant haze of confusion, which prevented her from working properly.

She had never planned for such a thing to happen, hadn’t even seen it coming – yet she couldn’t find a thing she hadn’t liked about it. She was just – surprised.  
During her time at high school, she had had a boyfriend for a little while, but they had only kissed once or twice – her mother had always been very puritan about all this. In Cambridge Rosalind hadn’t had the time to fully maintain a relationship, but in the physics section, there were mainly boys, and all her friends were of the male sex. One afternoon, as she was working with one of her closest friends, she had merely wanted to experiment something new, and they had ended up making love on the couch. She had not found this particularly pleasurable, and even hurtful. She didn’t reiterate the operation, and never really went out with a boy.  
She had never questioned herself about whether she could love another woman or not – in her mind, the natural order was that she had to marry a man and bear him many children, and this thought had been drummed into her so many times that she couldn’t imagine anything else besides.  
Yet she could not deny there had been something, something happening when their lips had met – deep in her chest, a light had been awoken, like she had been waiting for this for a long time.

But it was not as easy as that to accept it, to give in to her feelings without restraint. Rosalind walked around her apartment, biting nails and lips alike, wondering what to do next. Sofia hasn’t tried to reach her —yet, and Rosa hadn’t done much, either. She would try and work during the day, without much success, and spend sleepless nights rolling around and thinking.  
What were her feelings for Sofia Lamb ? There was a mutual admiration, that much could not be denied. But was there more, shining behind their blue eyes ? That was a question whose answer she hadn’t – or perhaps she had, and actually was too afraid to admit it to herself.

That afternoon was yet another moment where her mind could not be set up to work. The door bell rang, and the redhead lazily got up to answer whoever it was – she could not careless, anyways. She wore a plain, white shirt and black trousers, her hair tied up in a bun.  
When she saw the psychiatrist standing in the doorway, her heart missed a beat, but whether it was relief or anxiety for what might happen, she didn’t know. “Sofia” she mumbled, a bit ill at ease, and upon seeing the woman’s face, she knew it wasn’t easy for her, either.  
“Rosalind” she began “I hope I am not disturbing you…”  
“Not at all” Rosa hastily replied “please, do come in. And forgive the mess…”  
She fully opened the door to let her in, closing it behind her. For the first time she noticed the psychiatrist didn’t bear her calm mask on her face, and noticed an uneasiness on her brow and the fumbling of her hands. “Would you like something to drink ? Some tea perhaps ?” Rosa enquired, looking almost worried.  
“Hmm yes, thank you” she replied, siting down on the couch in the living room. It had been filled with shelves overflown with books of all kind : physics, but also poetry, literature from every country, art books and even philosophy.

Rosalind came back with a rolling tray. Without a word, she poured them both a cup of hot, green tea, before handing hers to Sofia. They sat next to each other, not daring to glance at one another, even from the corner of their eyes.  
“I came to apologise.” Sofia finally spoke as she settled down her cup on her lap. “For what happened in the Bathysphere. I— I don’t know why I did this, and I am sorry if it upset you. It was never my intention to do so, please believe me.”  
Rosa didn’t reply at once. She closed her eyes and breathed quietly, looking in herself to find the answer, and the strength to say it aloud. When she finally opened her eyes, her lips stretched into a thin smile.  
“I don’t really know what to say to you, Sofia, since I don’t know myself if it upset me or not. Or perhaps I know it, and dare not saying it. To say I don’t feel anything for you would be a lie, for I do have feelings, but I cannot tell whether it’s love as we call it, or the greatest admiration.  
“I cannot tell if your kiss upset me – but I cannot tell that I didn’t enjoy it, either. I just want you to understand, that it is not easy for me, as I assume it isn’t either for you.”  
The psychiatrist closed her eyes as well, nodding. “I do understand, Rosalind. It’s just – I have never felt this way before. I don’t know which force has taken over my body and mind, but it feels like a torture to be parted from you, and I don’t even know why. I barely know you ! You came to Rapture a few weeks ago, and we met shortly after, and yet I feel like I have been waiting for you my whole life. As if, in a way, you completed me.  
“Of course, I have Eleanor, and she is my dearest joy. But I feel like I wasn’t accomplished as a human being before I met you.” She extended her hand and put it on Rosalind’s lap. “Please – I know those words might be frightening, but don’t be afraid. I won’t do anything if you feel uneasy…”  
Once again Rosa’s lips stretched into a smile, and she took Sofia’s hand in hers. “I am not afraid. Rather, relieved. It’s been days since I last slept well, because I was thinking about you, and what this kiss meant, and I had been worried it had just been a whim of yours, though I doubted it.  
“But those words you’ve just said… As I’ve told you, I cannot put words on how I feel for  you. But there isn’t nothing, that I swear, and I won’t stay away from you. Not anymore.”  
Her hands crept up and cupped Sofia’s cheek, and this time it was her who leaned forward to engage the kiss. 


End file.
